“The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in
the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your
wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way
you treat your husband or wife,”—says Barbara de Angelis, an American
relationship consultant, lecturer and author.
Indeed, it is the ardent wish of every parent to marry their
children well. Marriage has always been
an integral part of the human society, the coming together of two individuals
and their families and binding them into holy matrimony.
In recent times,
however, the big fat Indian wedding has gotten bigger and fatter with more and
more expensive and elaborate rituals and programmes.
Assam too seems to have been caught up in this trend with
wedding planners now easily available to organize an event that, till a few
years ago, was managed almost solely by family and friends. Assamese weddings
have been, traditionally, simple and minimalistic, in tandem with the intrinsic
simplicity of the people here. But of late, the erstwhile simple affair has
metamorphosed into an elaborate event, stage managed with finesse and
efficiency.
All this comes at a price, though, and with the burgeoning
prices of every other item, even by modest estimates, an average marriage today
costs anything between Rs 4-6 lakh. The more lavish ones run into several lakhs
of rupees.
Many would argue that a wedding is once-in-a-lifetime
experience and deserves to be celebrated in the best manner possible. To each
his own, others may argue.
The argument can move back and forth without end, but by a
simple conjecture, while we preach about austerity in all aspects of our lives,
why cannot we practise it in our marriage ceremonies?
This is more pertinent in the case of public figures,
politicians and leaders. We often look up to them for inspiration and guidance
and in many ways they reflect the prevalent norms of the society, its hopes and
aspirations.
Here I would like to give an example to explain my point. At
a time when family weddings have become avenues for some to network with
friends and professional/business contacts, Gujarat's well-known minister
Purushottam Solanki married off his youngest daughter in a mass wedding
ceremony in Mumbai with 64 other couples in 2011.
Solanki is the Minister of State for Animal Husbandry and Fisheries
in the Narendra Modi government. His daughter was married in a mass marriage
ceremony in Goregaon, Mumbai organized by Odhavji Ramji Solanki Trust, named
after the minister's father.
District legislator, Thane, Maharashtra, Kshitij Thakur had
also solemnized his marriage to Prachi Galwankar in January last year through a
similar mass marriage organized by Viva Thakur Charitable Trust (VTCT), headed
by a former legislator Hitendra Thakur.
Here I wish to share a personal experience with the readers.
When I got married in 2000, we spent just around Rs 50,000 for the entire
ceremony. There was no glitz or glamour, no extravagance, no finery. We invited
50 guests, whom we served home-cooked delicacies.
We were not trying to be great or noble, but were just
practising what we preach. We did not want a lavish event, just a gathering of
our close friends and relatives to wish us on our new life. Here I am also
tempted to narrate my aunt’s wedding in 1983 when the entire community
participated in creating a marriage pandal out of freshly cut bamboo from the
grove, without any supervision from any other quarter. Idyllic, it seems today.
These are not isolated cases. Many have set an example for others
to follow. It is the duty of the elite to set examples in society.
Marriages are supposed to be the sacred union of two
individuals in a socially sanctified ceremony with the blessings of parents and
well wishers. While it is customary to treat the guests to the best, can there
be any rationale behind the extravagant settings—booking an entire hotel or
even a stadium for the guests or spreading out gourmet delicacies stretching
across rows?
Every action by an elite member of a society percolates into
the psyche of the average man, making them replicate similarly. So we have an
entire group of people trying to organize big fat Indian weddings, some even
putting themselves to great distress while striving to meet the wrong standards
set by their role models.
Another important aspect of a wedding is the gifts. Invited
guests come laden with gifts of various shapes and sizes to wish the
soon-to-be-wed or the newly-weds a happy conjugal life. For many years, an
ideal gift for a wedding was a good book by a renowned writer. This has largely
been replaced by items of cutlery and home décor. Family members still prefer
to gift precious ornaments and cash.
Here I would like to share another memorable experience with
you. One guest we invited to our wedding was the renowned writer Sumanta
Chaliha who gifted us a potted plant—blessing our relationship to grow and
flower like the small sapling. It was a really thoughtful and memorable gift
that has remained imprinted in our minds even 14 years after our marriage.
So why cannot we gift someone a special gift like a good
book with a personalized message that would stand out among all the other gifts
and be remembered and cherished for a lifetime, rather than an impersonal item
of gift which may remain stacked up in the closet for years without being used?
I do it every time I am invited to a wedding.
This is all a matter of perspective. It is not that most of
us cannot afford a lavish wedding or an expensive gift. But a wedding is much
more than just glitz and glamour. It is the celebration of a promise between
two individuals and blessings for their happy future. Brazen show of wealth in
this somber scenario is quite out of place, and wasteful as well! Much better
use can be made of that money to help people in need.
So dear readers, think about it. Let us start a change
today.
