Caring for Our Elders – a Disappearing Attitude

(This article appeared in The Sentinel on December 29, 2013)

“Yet somehow our society must make it right and possible for old people not to fear the young or be deserted by them, for the test of a civilization is in the way that it cares for its helpless members”—wrote Pearl S Buck in ‘My Several Worlds’. 

Respect for elders has long been ingrained in our psyche. From our very childhood, we have been told to obey our parents and teachers and respect our elders. We were taught to be always courteous to them and listen to their advice, the same being reiterated in the ‘moral science’ classes we took as children.

Religious texts across religions have stressed the special relations between the young and the elderly, with the Bible saying, “Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older”, or the Taitriya Upanishad mandating, “Revere your mother and father as God.”

In the Mahabharata, the wise Vidura advises Yuddhishthira thus, “tasmad dharma–pradhanéna bhavitavyam yatatmana | tatha cha sarva–bhutéhu vartitavyam yathatmani ||” which in short means “…righteousness is the best quality to have, wealth the medium and desire the lowest.

Hence, by self–control and by making righteousness your main focus, treat others as you treat yourself.”

So, by being helpful to our elderly, we are setting an example for our children who often learn some of life’s most important lessons by example.

The Assamese have always prided itself as a community which cares for its elders. We regard our elders as the conscience keepers of society, the bridge between tradition and modernity. Reverence for the elderly is not limited to our parents or grandparents only; this reverence extends to all elderly persons, even beyond the pale of our acquaintance.

But with changes in our social fabric, our elderly have lost the reverence and respect they were once accorded. There have been increasing instances of elderly abuse in the state, with a disturbing number of elders being turned to the streets by their children and grandchildren.

We only need to look around us to find instances of these disturbing and recurring incidents. Even a casual look at everyday incidents on the public transport systems and other public services will give a picture of the utter disregard for the elderly and the gradual breaking down of social norms. Often the elderly are forced to jostle in crowded buses and other public transport and get caught in ugly arguments with able–bodied passengers even to get access to the seats reserved for them.

Here I recall a small incident narrated to me by an acquaintance that took place in a city bus recently. It was a hot day in summer when she took the bus. It was already crowded when an elderly person boarded the bus, and looked around for a seat. The seat reserved for elderly persons was already occupied by two young men, who were least bothered to offer the reserved seat to its rightful occupant.

After sometime the conductor came around and told the youngsters to vacate the seat for the elderly person. But instead of complying, the young men started arguing angrily, saying that they deserved to sit wherever they wished as they had ‘paid full fare for the journey’. No amount of persuasion helped, nor did an attempt to point out the ‘Reserved for Elderly’ sign above the seat. In fact, things reached such a pitch that the elderly gentleman himself interceded and said he did not want to sit at all!

Such adverse experiences often leave the elderly confused and embarrassed and turn into deterrents for voicing such just concerns in the future, thus depriving them of the services they are entitled to.

Such incidents are not isolated cases, but occur quite frequently. A report by Help Age India in 2012 has indicated that Guwahati ranked the second highest in elderly abuse with 60.55 percent cases. Around 40 per cent men and almost similar proportion of older women selected disrespect as the most important constituent of abuse followed by neglect and verbal abuse during the survey.

Where are we going as a society, if we cannot respect and protect the vulnerable sections of our population? Our elderly do not want our sympathy– they simply crave our love and respect. What does it cost a strapping young man or woman to offer a seat in a public transport or give an elderly person the preference in a queue? It is true that in today’s fast paced world, many of us often do not find time to think about others. But whenever we see someone elderly, we should pause to help out in any manner possible, for our present is their past and their present our future.

Then there is the Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Act 2007 which can ward off attacks against the elderly and also act as an enabling law for the elderly in need of help. But nothing can really persuade us to treat our elders kindly, until we imbibe responsibility within ourselves. We do not push a child aside to grab a seat or walk away if a child falls down in front of us. We care for them because they cannot take care of themselves and we as adults realize it. The same applies to senior citizens as well.

Just as we were helped by people we know and sometimes even by those who we do not, because we needed their help as children; so also, today we owe the elderly our attention and help. It is our responsibility to look out for them, be they our relatives or even someone on the streets. Few ever ask for assistance on their own– for fear of imposing themselves on us. But when our elders face health issues and other problems, it is our bounden duty to shoulder the responsibility. It is but a sweet ‘thank you’ for our safe childhood and our hope of a more assisted old age.